


Miscellany

by shakespeareishq



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Prostitution, Alternate Universe - Sugar Daddy, Crack, Demons, Dragons, M/M, Making Out, Mythology References, will add more as they become relevant, worstcats
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-28
Updated: 2014-10-28
Packaged: 2018-02-22 23:51:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2526257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shakespeareishq/pseuds/shakespeareishq
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of prompt-fills, minifics, and drabbles originally done for tumblr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Steter -- Dragon Stiles

**Author's Note:**

> Written at the behest of pandafleur, who requested: Steter Prompt! Stiles as a dragon, Peter as his hoard. That's it, that's the whole thing, go wild you beautiful person you.

"Rah rah like a dungeon dragon! Rah rah like a dungeon dragon! Rah rah like a—hey! Hey Peter where do you think you’re going?" Stiles slaps his tail down over the entrance of the cave, preventing Peter’s exit.

Damn. “Stiles, O Terrible One, I can’t  _stay_  here. It’s been a week, my family is probably worried, not to mention my boss. Besides, what respectable dragon actually kidnaps people in 2014? Surely you have, uh, dragon things to do.”  _  
_

Stiles’ huge red eyes get watery. “But I thought you  _liked_ me. You said you liked me. And you don’t  _need_ to go back to work, I’ll give you whatever you want. So you don’t need to go anywhere!” Stiles pronounces, and nods to himself, like his logic is irrefutable.

Peter tries to be patient. “I have a daughter and a niece and nephew at home. I need to make sure they’re ok. I can come back and visit you anytime you want, but my life at home is important to me, do you understand?”

"You’d do that? You’d come back?"

"Of course I will." And he isn’t lying. He’s grown strangely fond of the hyperactive dragon over the last seven days. If it weren’t for Derek and Malia and Cora, he probably  _would_ stay. 

Stiles bounds over to Peter, less fearsome dragon and more pleased puppy. He gingerly lifts peter in one of his claws and brings the werewolf close to his face. His tongue flicks out, running up the length of Peter’s body and over his face. It’s Stiles’ version of a kiss. 

"You’re seriously the best hoard ever. Just, don’t be a stranger ok? It’s kind of lonely up here, just me and Nicki."

Peter gives Stiles a return kiss on his nose, not sure if Stiles can even feel it. “Give me four days to sort some things out and I’ll come back, hell I’ll even bring my laptop and my speakers so you can stop listening to your terrible music on that beat-up boombox.”

Stiles narrows his eyes. “Nicki Minaj is a  _goddess_ , excuse you. But alright.” Stiles places Peter back at the entrance to his cave, and Peter doesn’t waste time leaving, in case Stiles changes his mind.

Peter hears Stiles launching into the opening verse of Anaconda as he walks down the road back to town. 

He thinks he might be in love.


	2. Steter -- Face Painting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written at the behest of pandafleur: Steter Prompt! Peter and Stiles frantically painting each others faces to get demons off their tails, as per Halloween tradition, after some moron decided to do a summoning and botched the hell out of it.

"Go faster man! Faster!"

Peter scrambles to get the rainbow paints out of their cheap plastic packaging. Did Stiles seriously get their Very Important Ritual Materials from Party City?? Whatever. The point now is that the Dread Lord Mi-go is about three blocks away, and unless they get some face paint on incredibly soon they’re going to be Halloween supper. 

"Ok! I got them. Do you want a flower or a butterfly or a peace sign? I could probably swing a bumble bee too." 

Stiles, the idiot, takes a minute to consider. “Uhhh a flower I guess. Do a purple one. Why the hell is this even the counter ritual?” 

"Demons don’t make sense Stiles, that’s the first thing you learn." Peter gets out the brush provided, bristles going every which way, and gets to work. 

It’s not his best flower ever, but it’s mostly the right shape and more importantly Stiles is protected. 

"Ok now do me."

"Sure. Ummmm. Can I make your nose into a ninja turtle? Or ooh how about a tiny werewolf?" 

"Do the nose thing, it sounds faster." Stiles gets to work. The Dread Lord Mi-go starts pounding on the door of the empty warehouse.

Once Peter’s nostrils are sufficiently green, they hear the demon give a mighty shriek, and when they dare to poke their heads out there’s only a black smear on the pavement. 

Stiles gives Peter a thank-you kiss right on the Donatello. 


	3. Stetopher -- Stripper Stiles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written at the behest of sylviaplathy: Stetopher- Peter and Chris find Stiles has a secret... hooker au

Peter gets Chris a stripper for his birthday, because he is an asshole. 

The website has lots of options to choose from: sexy cop, sexy cat, sexy angel, sexy devil, sexy ‘indian’ (points for racism), sexy teacher, sexy pirate…

Peter chooses sexy vampire, because he is a  _hilarious_ asshole.

Nothing prepares him for Stiles, looking like the worst possible knockoff dracula, at their door three days later. 

"I vant to suck your—Peter?!"

"You’re the person they sent. The stripper."

Stiles loses his professionalism for only a second. “Babe I’m a lot of things, all for the right price of course.” Then he winks, actually fucking winks. 

Chris is going to flip his shit.


	4. Steter -- Kali and Shiva AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written at the behest of sylviaplathy: Steter- hmmmm.... god mythology <3

This…thing, whatever it was called they were fighting, it was winning. Smaller versions of itself kept popping up from the blood spilled on the ground, and soon the betas are far outnumbered. Stiles thinks ‘this is it. this is how it all ends.’

Peter comes into the clearing almost from nowhere. His eyes are blood red, and his skin and fur obsidian black. He’s not human anymore, only rage and the wolf. 

He rips into the demon clones, tearing at them with claws and teeth, too fast for them to regroup and copy themselves. Stiles and the others had been fighting for hours, but it’s over in minutes. He decapitates the largest demon and holds its head triumphantly in the air as he howls.

Then Peter, in his frenzy, turns to the betas. 

"Peter! Peter stop!" Stiles is yelling, running to try and get between Peter and the others. "Peter don’t hurt them!"

Peter throws him bodily to the ground, and places one clawed foot on Stiles’ chest. Peter breaks a tree in half, meaning to ram it through Stiles’ head it looks like. 

"Peter it’s me! It’s your mate Peter! I know you don’t want to do this so please, please come back to your senses. Come back to me. Please."

By some miracle, Peter stays his hand. The alpha blinks slowly, once, twice.

"Stiles?" His voice is monstrous, but Stiles holds Peter’s gaze. 

"Yeah. Yeah it’s me. You won Peter, it’s over now. You saved us all. Now you have to save yourself. I know you can."

Peter shudders and closes his eyes again. His skin begins to lighten, his fur retreats. He loses about a quarter of his bulk and his hands and feet once more become human. He stands there, naked and dirty in the forest and carefully lifts his foot off Stiles, leaving five spots of blood where his claws pierced Stiles’ flesh.

But that doesn’t matter to Stiles. When Peter next looks at him, his eyes are blue.


	5. Steter -- Am I attractive to gay guys?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for my own amusement, for my headcanon: give me steter where, after many attempts via danny to figure out if he’s attractive to gay guys it hits him that ‘hey peter you’re gay right? do you think I’m attractive?’ 
> 
> and peter’s like ‘stiles you don’t want an honest answer to that question’ and stiles just needles him until peter gets fed up and kisses the idiot

“Dammit Danny if you’d just answer me!” But Danny was out the door before Stiles could finish.

Stiles plops down at Derek’s table, huffy. Then he turns to the only other occupant of the room.

 “Hey waitaminute. Peter!” Stiles claps his hands together. “You’re gay!”

Peter raises his eyebrows.

“Do you think I’m attractive? Be honest.”

“Observe, Stiles, how I do us both a favor and pretend you never asked me that question.”

“But no, hold up. Someone in this town has to give me a straight, or well, not-so-straight answer.”

“I’m still trying to figure out why you care. You aren’t gay.”

“I could be!”

“Have you ever been with a man?”

“Um. Not exactly.”

“Have you ever wanted to be with a man?”

“I haven’t…thought about it? Like, in any serious way?”

“Therefore Stiles, you are not gay. Maybe slightly bicurious at best, but that’s hardly for me to judge.”

“That totally doesn’t even relate to whether you think I’m attractive or not though.”

Peter looks to the ceiling. Stiles looks too, but there’s nothing up there. “Suppose I say yes. What are you hoping to gain from that?”

“Depends on if you’re really saying yes or not.”

Peter ignores him. “Conversely, suppose I say no. I’m not about to deal with you moping for the next three hours because I, an almost middle aged adult, do not find a seventeen year old  _boy_  attractive.”

“Oh come on Peter we both know that if you thought I was hot you wouldn’t give a shit about my age.”

“Well perhaps it’s best that we both don’t know what I think then.”

“Peeeeterrrr,” Stiles whines.

Peter sighs. He looks to Stiles, then back to the ceiling, then back to Stiles. “You know what? I’m going to give you what you want. Consider it my good deed for the day. Come here.”

“What? Aren’t you gonna tell me?”

“No Stiles. Because that is not what you want. You don’t want me to simply tell you. You want me to  _show_  you, and I mean to oblige, if only so you’ll stop harassing poor Danny. So Come. Here.” He crooks a finger. “I won’t say it again.”

Stiles hurries over to where Peter’s leaning against the support beam.

Peter doesn’t give Stiles time to change his mind. He takes Stiles’ face in his hands and kisses him. It’s barely more than perfunctory, until Stiles moans and grabs at Peter’s shirt to pull him closer.

Peter ends up settling his hands low on Stiles’ hips, licking into Stiles’ mouth with all the finesse of a man who hadn’t done this in over half a decade. So it’s not Peter’s best work, but Stiles doesn’t seem to care a bit. He clutches at the back of Peter’s neck and slots their legs together as he tries his best to get Peter to make the same sounds he’s making. Stiles’ tongue is lively in a way Peter’s not used to from his partners, and Stiles does strange things like dip into the grooves of Peter’s molars and trace patterns on the roof of his mouth. Then Stiles discovers that sucking on Peter’s tongue is his weakness.

There’s a crash. Derek has dropped all of his shopping and by the sound of it at least one glass jar is no more.

Peter practically shoves Stiles away. “Perhaps, ahem, we’ll pick up this conversation again when you’re legal.” He beats it out of the loft and back towards his place before Stiles or Derek can respond.

Peter misses, therefore, the way Stiles throws two fists in the air and cheers.

“Derek! Derek look! I’m totally attractive to gay guys I  _knew it!_ Also your uncle’s a really good kisser like  _wow_. I mean he does this tongue thing that’s like—”

“Stiles if you keep talking I’m going to beat you until you can’t form words anymore.”


	6. Worstcats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for my own amusement, for my headcanon: Stiles comes home to Peter one day to find that Peter has acquired a cat. 
> 
> That would be fine except it’s rubbery and moist and things stick to it and, really, it’s just an inferior cat all around.

“What is that.”

“ _He_ is Mr. Kitty Fantastico. Deaton needed someone to take him in for a few weeks and I volunteered. Come and say hello.”

“Peter that is not a cat.”

“Now Stiles, don’t be rude to Mr. Kitty Fantastico. He can’t help that he’s sort of terrible at being a cat, and inferior to all other cats.”

“No I mean. Biologically. That is  _not_  a cat. That—Peter is that a hippopotamus?”

“Who died and made you the cat expert Stiles? This breed is  _supposed_ to be moist and football shaped, even though those are not qualities people look for in cats generally. Taylor Swift has one you can google it.”

“It’s literally the worst cat I’ve ever seen. Why does it have straw sticking to it?”

“Because of the moisture Stiles, do try and keep up.”

“Do you think it would be better if you maybe…powdered it or something?”

“I tried that. It was worse.”

“Does he feel as rubbery as he looks?”

“Yes.”

“Why does he look so dejected?”

“Probably because he knows how terrible he is.”

“Why are you even cuddling it?”

“Mr. Kitty Fantastico is not to blame for failing on all levels. He just wants to play and cuddle. Terrible cats need love too Stiles, like we all do.”

“At the risk of sounding insensitive, I thought werewolves and cats didn’t get along?”

“Most breeds can’t stand us but these guys are a rare exception. Lots of werewolves who want a cat and are allergic to fur get one, despite the fact that they often regret this purchase later.”

“Because other cats are better and nicer?”

Peter nods. He holds out some leafs.

“Would you like to feed him a kitteh treat?”


	7. Sceter -- Twink and Sugar Daddy sad AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written at the behest of anonymous: cute twink meets hot rich older man and they adopt a daughter, things go horribly wrong

"Scott? I just googled this guy. He’s not just some dude named Peter Hale he’s THE Peter Hale. Of Hale Industries. He’s worth like 117 million and if you do not go on this date with him we cannot be friends anymore."

"But Stiles, he’s like….old."

"He is  _finely aged_ , excuse you. Like good wine. And trust me you are not gonna care about how old he is when he’s sucking your cock.”

"How do you know he sucks cock?"

"Men like  _that_  do not ask out people like  _us_  unless they’re into some kinky shit, so just trust me and pick out something to wear.”

~

The date goes well, to Scott’s surprise. 

In fact, the whole night goes well. And the next three dates, those go well too. 

It’s not until they’re back at Peter’s place after date five that shit goes down.

"Oh my god dad what the FUCK are you doing." 

Peter looks up from where he is indeed sucking Scott off. 

"Hello Malia. I’d like you to meet Scott. Granted, the plan was to introduce you two…later, but I suppose now is as good a time as any."

"Dad he’s naked. You just had his dick in your mouth I am NOT going to  _introduce_ myself.” Scott starts nodding in agreement and tries to melt into the couch cushions. 

"And he’s like  _my age_ , you giant fucking pedo. You know what? Whatever I was gonna talk to you about isn’t even important anymore. I’m gonna go stay with Derek. Enjoy your twink.” She storms out, slamming the door so hard the glass in Peter’s knickknack cabinet rattles. 

Peter has the good sense to look mildly at fault. But only mildly.

Scott’s not really feeling this date anymore. “So you have a daughter.”

"Mmm. Well she takes after her mother much more than me, but I am technically responsible for half her DNA, yes."

"Right. Ok. Well I’m just gonna. Go home. And process that. Um. I’ll call you." Scott hurries to find his clothes and scurries out of the apartment before he gives Peter a chance to say anything.


	8. Pydia -- The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written because I wanted fluffy Pydia in my life.

Peter is dragged blearily into consciousness the next day, and as soon as he wakes up he knows he’s in trouble. 

Lydia’s back is turned to him, but he knows she’s awake.

He tries his luck. “Lydia? Sweetheart?”

She doesn’t respond.

“Lydia I know you’re awake. Talk to me, please?”

“Explain to me why I should talk to someone who  _falls asleep on his own wedding night_ before the bride even has her dress off?”

“Lydia I am so incredibly sorry. You know I stayed up all night making the cake, and after the ceremony and the reception and the champagne I was just…tired. Besides it’s not like we haven’t had sex before, and it’s not like we don’t have the rest of our lives to keep having sex, so I don’t get what the big deal is about not doing it one little night.”

“Do you think our wedding night is just ‘one little night’ then?”

“No Lydia. It was very special. You looked perfect in that dress and I should have been honored to defile you in it all night long.”

Lydia seems mollified. “Well there’s no way I was going to let you ruin the dress. But thank you. Now if you want to make it up to me we can have pre-honeymoon flight sex, or you can get up and go make me those little quiches they wrote about in the newspaper last month.”

Peter isn’t a fool. He rolls his wife onto her back and kisses her until she’s smiling.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
